ben mackenzie and how much I suck

so Im sitting here, typing and it's like 7 30 and I realize that my love life has literally fizzled down to one man and he is only real for about 3 and a half hours where I watch an entire disk from the first season of the OC. My other man is a drug addict and plastered to my bedroom wall and hes engaged to the most beautiful woman in the world. This leaves me at a lousy 0. Needless to say I have a lot of time on my hands to "think" in other words freak out and not sleep until 3am because god forbid my mind stop churning with things I "need to do"or the thought that "I have cancer". If I do have something serious wrong with me I guess I will find out at the doctor tommorow because these are things you do when you're "single" or "in a TV relationship" you book emergency appointments and stay up all night wondering how on earth you gained weight when you haven't eaten anything and why do you keep getting colds. Then remember you eat all the time.
Or you get crazy with your best friend and start treating her like she's your boyfriend due to lack of actual stimulating relationship conversation and that turns out bad because shes got a boyfriend and you're actually just talking her ear off and she can't wait to go and see him because PHEW what a relief. This is my life. Im glad that things are like this right now though. No one tells me what to do or more importantly what NOT to do like "Kim you better lay off those percoset, dont you think you've had enough?" As I lazily smile gliding through the crowds at coachella 10 pills into the show. Or "dont you think watching american idle for 6 hours straight is a little unhealthy?" NO I DON'T. Infact I like it. Bring on the addictions. When I was with Michael I actually became so bored in the relationship that I began playing "sims" late night. I watched one tree hill, drooled over chad michael murray and played sims until 3 am. I went to bed at night wondering what new piece of furniture I would add to their house tommorow. It was that point that I call now "the get out while you can" point. Which I am on my way towards as I currently type.

So if you wanna set me up on any blind dates or tell me of some really interesting ways to distract myself please, go ahead! Im listening and Im definatley not going anywhere.